Scams – Can it happen to you?

Scams – Can it happen to you?
The definition of a scam is a dishonest way to make money by deceiving people. Can it occur anywhere including in America? Of course it can. Remember Bernie Madoff?
If someone is going to scam, the victim must believe that what is being presented is too good to pass up. In the case of an attractive lady while on an AFA tour this would be the illusion or unexpressed belief that the lady is truly interested romantically. This is probably in the victim’s mind.
Please understand something. Although I have seen it, it is extremely rare. The AFA girls that attend the socials and have their profile on the site are only looking for marriage.
What can you do to ensure that this doesn’t happen to you? It is very easy to ignore . A combination of solid advice from the AFA staff and common sense will carry the day.
My experience is that this occurs between younger girls and older clients. No matter what you imagine, the end result will not be an intense romantic occasion or even a kiss on the cheek.
Here are some of the “red flags”.
A request to dine at an expensive restaurant.
A request to bring along a “friend”
A request to go shopping.
A lengthy cab ride to the other end of town.
Endless letters promising love and sex.
What is obvious is a request for money for a variety of reasons. A sick relative, rent due, etc. NEVER send money unless you are engaged and on the way to a K1 visa.
So what is a guy supposed to do under any of these circumstances? Please understand that there is no shortage of well meaning quality women everywhere that AFA goes.
Simply say, “I’m not comfortable with that” and move on. Other than the great support you can expect from the AFA staff, rely on your common sense and you will be fine.
Remember what I said earlier, this is extremely rare. Relax and have fun but remember you are the commodity, not the women as in America.
As always, best of luck and do not let this rare issue prevent you from seeking a quality life partner.
Bob Wray

More about the cities in Ukraine

More about the cities in Ukraine
I posted about this before, but I thought some more clarity would help.
As I said, the trouble is limited to the Southeastern part of the country and the cities of Lugansk and Donetsk are most affected. To a lesser extent, Mariupol. It is difficult for the ladies to travel and for you to visit there. For this reason, it is probably best to avoid these areas for the time being.
As you may know, Russia has seized Crimea and it is now considered part of Russia. You can visit, but you will need a visa.
Ukraine is the size of Texas with a population of 40 million. AFA has over 14,000 profiles from all over the country. Perhaps it is helpful to understand how you can maximize the help that AFA can offer.
AFA maintains four offices – Kiev, Poltava, Odessa and Nikolayev. However tour are offered to Kharkov, Sumy, Kherson,Dnepro and Zaporozhe. They use trusted partners to assist on these visits. Although you are welcome to visit other cites such as Lvov, more support can be offered in the cities I have mentioned.
I hope this has been helpful. You can always discuss this with Anna or Bud by calling the Phoenix office.
Bob Wray

Letters, pictures from AFA ladies

Letters, pictures from AFA ladies
This question comes up often on Bud’s calls and those when I cover for him. Please understand. Your private information which you provided to AFA is secure. Everyone should provide a profile to AFA for a variety of reasons. If you provide photos (and you should) and a dialogue about yourself and what you seek, ladies are able to see it, but not easily.
We are fortunate that we can browse any of the more than 40,000 profiles, however that is not the case for the ladies. In order to access gentlemen’s profiles, they must visit an AFA office or affiliate and use an AFA secured computer. They can do this (not from their home or an Internet café) and send out as many “Intro” letters as the please.
This is the reason why a gentleman who is 50 or more may receive letters from 20 year old women who is not from a country they are interested in. If this is an annoyance you have the option and right to eliminate these letters by simply logging on the your “Member’s Area/Login” on the left of the home page and scrolling down to the option “I do not want to receive introduction letters (women who have written to you first)”.  Select it and the letters will cease.
Please understand. Because there are thousands of AFA profiles all over the world, the ladies are very eager to be noticed, especially by the less than 5% of AFA clients that will leave our shores.
Another point. The ladies are welcome to submit their photos and profiles. If they are permitted to be on the site, they are responsible for the photos. My experience has been that usually the ladies look better than their photos. Of course, they may use a professional photographer. Photoshop is available, but rarely used (you can tell).
I hope this is helpful. If you have concerns, please contact the Phoenix office and they will be more than willing to help.
Bob Wray

What 9/11 means to me and a message for you.

What 9/11 means to me.


On October 1, 2000 I was pleased to be certified as an IBM Senior Consultant. I was assigned to the financial sector on Wall Street. The World Trade Center Marriot was very convenient to my clients. It was located between the North and South towers. I would stay on the 20th floor and enjoyed visits to the observation deck and the night Club at the towers.


My routine was to spend my mornings in my room preparing for the day’s appointments which usually began at about 11 AM. On Sunday September 9, I had lunch with my cousin then checked out as I had obligations elsewhere for the coming week.


At 8:45 on Tuesday, September 11, the first plane hit the South tower. By 9:00 most of the debris had destroyed the center section of the Marriot, including the 20th floor. Had I stayed I would have been in my room at that time. Perhaps I would have escaped. I’ll never know. Many others did not and perished, sadly.


I don’t mean to be morose, but tomorrow is promised to none of us. The point is that one never knows. I am grateful for each day that I am given. You should be also.


If you have considered traveling abroad to seek your one and only, do not hesitate. Don’t write endless letters. Make a decision and go. The time is now. I say again, one never knows. None of us are promised tomorrow.


I wish you the best.


Bob Wray

Trouble in the Ukraine – No problem for tours

Trouble in the Ukraine – No problem for tours
Often there are questions about this. As you probably know, a few years ago Putin reclaimed the Crimea (It was given to Ukraine by Khrushchev in 1954, he was Ukrainian). Not only that but separatists in the Donbas region (less than 5% of the country) were encouraged to mount armed resistance and conflict with Kiev. The affected major cities are Donetsk, Lugansk, and to some extent Mariupol.
Naturally, life is very difficult for the people in this region. Because of the trouble, AFA  conducts their tours to other cities that are safe such as Kiev and Odessa. I have traveled to many of these cities with no problem.
If you are attracted to a lady from this area, unfortunately it will be very difficult to arrange to meet her. It would not be wise to travel there. The Phoenix office can offer more detail if you wish.
Given  that there are over 14,000 lovely profiles in Ukraine, you can easily find many attractive ladies in the many cities included in the AFA tour schedule.
If you are interested in a lady from Crimea, you can travel there (although no AFA tours are currently offered). Realize that it is in Russia. You will need a visa.
I hope this is helpful. I wish you the best.
Bob Wray

How to have a successful first meeting

How to have a successful first meeting


Here are some tips that I have learned personally and from other men on tour.

First, your initial  encounter is not a date, but a meeting. Probably the two of you have never met and your mutual purpose is to learn a bit about the other person and determine if there is a connection and a reason to see each other again.

Unless there is a good reason, NEVER CANCEL A MEETING OR DATE. This reflects poorly on you and AFA’s reputation and future clients. The ladies go to a lot of trouble to present themselves attractively and make arrangements to meet.

Set aside perhaps an hour for the first meeting. If the lady understands this, everyone is comfortable. You will know quickly if there is a connection. You owe her some of your time, but not a three hour dinner date. Rather it should be a casual coffee or wine encounter. If the two of you are charmed by each other, you can easily extend it to several hours more.

One of four things will happen at the end of this encounter.

1. Neither of you will be interested in each other — no problem.

2. She will be interested in you (you’ll know) and you will not be interested. This will require some diplomacy. If you feel that it isn’t going to work, after an hour, simply glance at your watch, rise and shake her hand and say, “It was very nice to meet you. Thanks for taking the time to meet me. Her dignity is still intact and you are free to go.


3. You will be interested in her but she will not be interested in you (you’ll know). Suck it up, buddy. Be gracious and friendly. She may have a friend.


4. Both of you are interested. Cool. Ask for the date. At least ask if you can call her soon. Then be sure to do it.


Let’s explore this a bit deeper. Be honest. If she is not going to make it in the looks department, you will know right away. If there are serious mismatches in other areas, they will be revealed early in your conversation. She may be interested while you are not. What you want to do is be gracious and give her the courtesy of a pleasant cup of coffee. Can you remember being turned down for a job on a first interview? If the recruiter was a decent person, you at least got the respect of a few questions and some conversation. Enjoy her company and practice networking. You never know. Even if it isn’t going to work, she may find you so charming that she’ll tell her friends. When it’s time to go, pay the check, ask if you can walk her to her taxi and pay for it. Tell her it was nice to meet her and wish her luck. Don’t feel guilty. You met your obligation and behaved like a gentleman. You have nothing to apologize for. The next time it could be your turn.


At the end of the encounter, turn your attention to your AFA translator. Although you understand that you owe $20 per hour for the services, I always ask, “What do I owe you?”


Then do something few guys think of. Offer a small tip. Not only will the word get around, but she will be happy to offer her impressions of the meeting, the lady and your behavior. Since she has more native knowledge than you, this will be very valuable.
Carefully select where the meeting should occur. The staff will help you. There is no need to go to a fancy Sushi restaurant that will be expensive. You are the host and she is your guest. Obviously, never go on a shopping trip!


I hope that this is helpful and as always, I wish you the best.


Bob Wray

A Tip about using


A Tip about using
The over 200 postings I have placed on this blog have one purpose – to provide you with as much information as possible in order to insure your success.
I try to post several times a week as issues come up or I think of something that might help. Bud Patterson ( and I do not do this for compensation, but to try to help you.
I began this blog in May, 2012. Since you already know how to reach the blog, I encourage you to scan to the bottom of any page and view the Archives. There you will find the monthly postings to read at your leisure. Naturally, not every posting will be of interest to you, but many will be.
As always, I wish you success in your journey.
Bob Wray

3 Critical Steps For Sustaining Your International Courtship by Bud Patterson


Our friend and International Dating expert, Bud Patterson has just posted a great piece on his blog, I am quoting it here so as many see it as possible. Thoughts to consider on your journey. As always, I wish you the best.

Bob Wray

3 Critical Steps For Sustaining Your International Courtship

     I’m in the business of international relationships. It’s not the same as international relations, mind you.  I don’t manage the communications and expectations countries have of each other. Be very thankful for that. Honestly, I would suck at that.  No, my forte is a two-step process where I first convince guys to travel to other countries in search of a life-mate and then do my best to support them as they cultivate love, get a fiancée visa for their girl, bring her to the States and get married – and then hopefully live happily ever after.

If you scour the internet for information on international relationships, you’ll find lots of good stuff on foreign women, how to meet single Ukrainian girls, why so many single Chinese women are searching for foreign husbands, and the like. There’s virtually nothing on what happens after an American man and a single Ukrainian girl meet and fall in love. All the resources are there to get you on the plane and out in front of women – which is good – but once you fall in love, that’s when you’ll need the most support as you forge ahead together toward relocation and marriage.  How do you keep the love you’ve started?  How do you build from there and not lose your momentum across the distance?  How do two people hold on to what they have while in the fiancée visa process?  Here are three tips to help your international relationship endure.

1.     This really is the most important tip:  BE READY TO SUCCEED.  A lot of men and women join international relationship websites not knowing what to expect.  That’s natural.  They look at this exercise as akin to playing the lottery; if you don’t play you can’t win. Most people who play the lottery don’t actually think through the details of how to spend every dime if they do end up with the winning digits.  Most men and women in the international relationship search don’t actually think through what will happen when they do meet someone and fall in love.  Guys – YOU NEED TO DO THIS.  Are you prepared for someone in your life?  Are your finances in order?  Is your life stable?  Do you own a house or have a decent savings account and some investments aside for emergencies?  Is your vehicle reliable?  Do you have insurance that will cover a dependent woman and her (possible) child? Can you afford to travel back and forth once or twice after meeting and falling in love?  If you’re going to sustain what you start, you’re going to need to be green-light-go on the above.  Are you ready?

2.     ESTABLISH CONSTANT COMMUNICATION.  I’ve joked about how my good friend, Bob Wray, calls the plane ride back to the States after meeting and falling in love the “Trail of Tears.” The last thing you want, after investing so much money and emotion in finding someone – and accomplishing just that – is to lose contact with her when you get back stateside. There is no reason for that to happen if you embrace the technology and resources available to you.  I am always amazed when clients tell me “I’m not much of a computer guy.”  I always think, “Wow – how did you manage to find an internet-based international dating site, then?” There are wireless chat and call apps you can download on your smart phone like WhatsApp, Skype and Viber, and of course social media sites like FaceBook, VK and the like.  There are translation apps like GoogleTranslate and WorldLens to help you interpret messages.  Get a good smart phone and use it!  If you do, there’s no reason your communication can be constant every day. Imagine every morning you both wake to messages, voice-memos, pictures or emails from one another.  That’s how you keep love alive.

3.     START THE FIANCÉE VISA PROCESS AS SOON AS REASONABLY POSSIBLE.  Getting a fiancée visa for your girl is going to take an average of 4 – 6 months depending on where you live here in the States, and what country she is from.  If we could get on a plane and go abroad, meet a lot of single international ladies, fall in love and bring our girl back to the States with us, most girl wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing.  To find your foreign bride, falling in love is definitely going to be part of the deal. Remember – THERE REALLY ARE NO MAIL-ORDER-BRIDES!  But thousands of very nice men and women find one another and fall in love via international relationship dating sites all the time.  You will need time to build your love and prepare for a future together.


The K-1 Fiancée Visa processing time allows couples to build on their beginning, but too much time apart may create too much of a gap for women to keep faith. So, have a plan, use your resources and get your fiancée visa documents out to the State Department in good order.

The useful features on – Tips

The useful features on – Tips
Guys, has a wealth of information to help you with your search for an international bride. There are many video blogs and testimonials. However, I’d like to focus on two features.
If you look at the links at the top of the homepage, you will notice “Foreign Women’s Profiles” and “Search Engine”.
Under “Foreign Women’s Profiles”, every Wednesday evening AFA posts new, recent profiles of women who have provided their information in the hope of establishing a relationship, perhaps with you!
In the week from August 24 through August 30, 234 new profiles were presented.  These new profiles come from any of the countries where AFA offers tours.
What is compelling about these profiles is that, given they are new, they have not received letters or attended a social in all likelihood.
At the bottom of the list, you can view new profiles from the previous 4 or 5 weeks.
Other services available here include women who have email contact and videos.
Make viewing the new profiles from the country of your choice each week a habit.
Let’s consider the powerful “Search Engine”. It can be used if you have not decided ladies from which part of the world appeal to you – Asia, Latin America or Eastern Europe.
The engine will allow you to focus using age, weight, height, children and other useful criteria.
Once you have established your personal criteria, you can use the search engine to narrow your selection. It is very easy to use. At the bottom you will find not only countries, but cities once you have chosen a tour that interests you.
Use these tools to discover ladies of interest, but remember – nothing will happen until you get on a plane and meet them in person.
Bob Wray

Season 4 of “90 Day Fiancée

Season 4 of “90 Day Fiancée” will premier on TLC at 8 EST tonight (Monday, 9/22).


If it is anything like the previous 3 seasons, you should watch as it provides lessons on NOT what to do! In the past most of the problems occurred because the couples did not take the time to reveal and understand the details about what awaits them in America.

TLS often repeats these episodes, however I suggest that you DVR or TiVo the episodes. I assume there will be 9 or 10 episodes going forward.

Anything you can do to increase your understanding is worthwhile.

Bob Wray