First – As the ancient Greeks said – “know thyself”. It has been said that these are the most important two words ever spoken. It is not easy. It is doubtful that we are honest about this. It requires impartial thought. If you are successful then you can assemble a reasonable criteria for your future life partner. Stick to it as you encounter the many beautiful women on A Foreign Affair.
Second – Then do all you can to educate yourself about the process. Other than this blog, your best source is loveme.com. It would take you weeks to completely study and understand all that is offered on the site. Learn to use the many features and be certain to complete the free registration. Also, be certain to dial in to the regular Monday night calls. The easy instructions to do so can be found on the home page of loveme.com. You can just listen and learn or ask any questions you may have. Continue educating yourself – I still do.
Third – Examine the many cultures offered through A Foreign Affair – Asia, Latin America and Europe. Look at some of the more than 40,000 profiles and decide what appeals to you. Once you decide, do all you can to understand about the culture. It will serve you well when you finally decide to join the very small percentage of men who actually travel to their selected destination. As you review the beautiful women you can encounter in your preferred country try to match these to the many romance tours offered. Of course other options such as the Executive Program and individual tours are available as well.
Fourth – Once you have selected a country, try to identify the cities included on the romance tour and identify several women that meet your criteria and appeal to you. Rather than write endless letters and engage in a month’s long “pen- pal” situation, save your money towards a future trip.
Fifth – When you have booked your tour or individual travel, then select a few ladies in each city and write letters to each. It is very important that you state in the subject line that you will soon be in their city. This really sets you apart from the many letters she may receive. You can include as much detail about your plans in the body of the note as you wish. Let her know that you will have the local office contact her once you arrive. NEVER TRAVEL TO ONLY MEET ONE LADY! Perhaps you will meet her and there is not the chemistry you seek either way. What will you do then? Of course if you are on a romance tour with the socials you may encounter a woman where all the pieces are in place. I have seen this several times, but it is rare. You can also look through the catalogs and ask for the help of the office. However, there is no assurance that the lady is available or is interested in meeting you.
The two most important factors in success are age and children.
Match your age to the many ladies you will have the opportunity to meet. There will be very attractive women under the age of 25 that will be happy to have a nice meal or even go shopping. However, a woman this young has very little life experience. It is my experience that a woman who is 21 and a domestic woman of the same age are not that different. As the song says “Girls just want to have fun”. You are very serious in your search for a life partner. Have fun if you wish, but please understand if she is not in your generation and you are older than her parents, the odds are not in your favor. A difference of 15 years can work. There are exceptions of course, but they are exceptional. However, the ladies in the Philippines are not as concerned about an age difference.
This is a huge issue. You must have an opinion about it. You don’t need to express that opinion on the first date, but it’s just good to have one for a number of reasons. The older you are, the more critical the issue becomes. Many women are already mothers. It is very rare to find a mature woman who has no children. How do you feel about this? If you are absolutely certain that it is unacceptable, fine. Just have an opinion. You cannot expect to seriously date a woman with children without your lives becoming intertwined. It is something you must accept. They are a package deal. Of course, they may have an involved father. That’s a whole other program. Some guys love the idea of a built-in family. There is a lot of complexity here. We are just asking you to give it serious thought. There is no sense starting down the road with a woman with children if you are not going to be able to deal with them.
If you have children, you have a challenge as well. Your dates are going to have to have this information fairly soon. It could go either way for you. We do not recommend that you introduce a woman to your kids until well into a relationship. It is not fair to the kids or to her. Children bond easily. You are probably divorced, so they are already going through a lot. They don’t need to get attached to your lady, only to have you move on in a few weeks. Keep your dating and your fathering separate. Also, make sure that your fathering comes first. We know this is tough, but that’s what good Dads (and real men) do.
As childless women approach their late thirties many of them begin to panic. You have heard of the ticking “biological clock,” no doubt. While medical science is doing incredible things with reproduction, there are serious problems for a woman at this stage of life. The longer she waits, the less likely it is that she will conceive. There are procedures to help, but they are expensive and marginally successful. Additionally, later pregnancies carry more risk for the baby and the mother. What does all this mean? It has an impact on dating. Time is now an issue for these women. They must find the right guy who will be a good husband and father and want to have children right away. That’s a lot of pressure. You need to be aware and sensitive to this when you are involved with her. The dating cycle is compressed. She will not be willing to give you several years to make up your mind. Also, you need to be fair and not trifle with her affections if you are not prepared to move at a faster pace. As always, honesty and communication go a long way. You will have to have frank discussions fairly early on. Another consideration is that some women in this position might behave more desperately than they would have ten years ago. You must take this into consideration.
If you are certain that you do not want children – that is your right. You will severely limit the pool of women who will be willing to seriously date you. It is something you will have to accept. If you really mean what you say, get a vasectomy. It is a very simple procedure – it just sounds bad. There is a reversal procedure that has a percentage of success, but it is expensive. You should postpone such a serious decision until your thirties. Of course, you will have to communicate this to any woman you get serious about. There are women who are very serious about their careers or who don’t want to be moms for other reasons. There are just not that many of them. She may have elected to have a tubal ligation, which will prevent her from conceiving.
If you are younger and are not a father now, your options are wide open. You have time. You can date whom you please. Know this – most women want to be mothers. It’s a natural fact. You don’t have to face this right away, but once things get serious it will come up. Here is where you should have an opinion. Do you want them at all? Do you want them sooner or later? How many? It is best to have a general idea of what you eventually want. It shows responsibility on your part. That is always attractive to women.
If there is a man in her past that had a significant relationship with her, you may have to contend with some fallout. He could be an ex-husband, a former fiancée or even a long-term boyfriend. If there are no children involved, she should have resolved all their issues before getting involved with someone else. This is a good measure of her emotional health and maturity. If the ties are still in place – watch out. You want a clear field. You deserve it. Sometimes she will still be in contact with his parents and family. Courtesy and civility are one thing. Spending Christmas with this guy and his family is another. Children are an entirely different matter. Understand something very clearly. Kids always come first. If she is a mom, then she is a mom first and your girlfriend second. It has to be that way. Those kids may have an involved dad and he has to be big part of their lives. That may make him a big part of your life if you get serious with her. This is a package deal. It is not an easy road. That doesn’t make it impossible. It will take a lot of maturity, commitment and patience on your part to make things work. Maybe she is worth it. Also, you need to accept his family as part of the kids’ lives. They may be in-laws from Hell. You will have to be accommodating and pleasant in order for the kids to maintain their involvement with his folks.
If you are a dad, then you can reverse engineer the last paragraph. She has to be willing to embrace the whole program. Kids require constant care and attention until they are adults. They will always be a part of your lives as adults. Think very carefully about all of this. That cute little five-year old will be arguing with his mom for the car in eleven short years. By the way, how will things work if the two of you have one or two kids of your own? Will all things be equal for all the kids – yours, mine and ours? The Brady Bunch was just a TV show. Be very careful.
The definition of a scam is a dishonest way to make money by deceiving people. Can it occur anywhere including in America? Of course it can. Remember Bernie Madoff?
If someone is going to scam, the victim must believe that what is being presented is too good to pass up. In the case of an attractive lady while on an AFA tour this would be the illusion or unexpressed belief that the lady is truly interested romantically. This is probably in the victim’s mind.
Please understand something. Although I have seen it, it is extremely rare. The AFA girls that attend the socials and have their profile on the site are only looking for marriage.
What can you do to ensure that this doesn’t happen to you? It is very easy to ignore . A combination of solid advice from the AFA staff and common sense will carry the day.
My experience is that this occurs between younger girls and older clients. No matter what you imagine, the end result will not be an intense romantic occasion or even a kiss on the cheek.
Here are some of the “red flags”.
A request to dine at an expensive restaurant.
A request to bring along a “friend”
A request to go shopping.
A lengthy cab ride to the other end of town.
Endless letters promising love and sex.
What is obvious is a request for money for a variety of reasons. A sick relative, rent due, etc. NEVER send money unless you are engaged and on the way to a K1 visa.
So what is a guy supposed to do under any of these circumstances? Please understand that there is no shortage of well meaning quality women everywhere that AFA goes.
Simply say, “I’m not comfortable with that” and move on. Other than the great support you can expect from the AFA staff, rely on your common sense and you will be fine.
Remember what I said earlier, this is extremely rare. Relax and have fun but remember you are the commodity, not the women as in America.
As always, best of luck and do not let this rare issue prevent you from seeking a quality life partner.
I posted about this before, but I thought some more clarity would help.
As I said, the trouble is limited to the Southeastern part of the country and the cities of Lugansk and Donetsk are most affected. To a lesser extent, Mariupol. It is difficult for the ladies to travel and for you to visit there. For this reason, it is probably best to avoid these areas for the time being.
As you may know, Russia has seized Crimea and it is now considered part of Russia. You can visit, but you will need a visa.
Ukraine is the size of Texas with a population of 40 million. AFA has over 14,000 profiles from all over the country. Perhaps it is helpful to understand how you can maximize the help that AFA can offer.
AFA maintains four offices – Kiev, Poltava, Odessa and Nikolayev. However tour are offered to Kharkov, Sumy, Kherson,Dnepro and Zaporozhe. They use trusted partners to assist on these visits. Although you are welcome to visit other cites such as Lvov, more support can be offered in the cities I have mentioned.
I hope this has been helpful. You can always discuss this with Anna or Bud by calling the Phoenix office.
This question comes up often on Bud’s calls and those when I cover for him. Please understand. Your private information which you provided to AFA is secure. Everyone should provide a profile to AFA for a variety of reasons. If you provide photos (and you should) and a dialogue about yourself and what you seek, ladies are able to see it, but not easily.
We are fortunate that we can browse any of the more than 40,000 profiles, however that is not the case for the ladies. In order to access gentlemen’s profiles, they must visit an AFA office or affiliate and use an AFA secured computer. They can do this (not from their home or an Internet café) and send out as many “Intro” letters as the please.
This is the reason why a gentleman who is 50 or more may receive letters from 20 year old women who is not from a country they are interested in. If this is an annoyance you have the option and right to eliminate these letters by simply logging on the your “Member’s Area/Login” on the left of the home page and scrolling down to the option “I do not want to receive introduction letters (women who have written to you first)”. Select it and the letters will cease.
Please understand. Because there are thousands of AFA profiles all over the world, the ladies are very eager to be noticed, especially by the less than 5% of AFA clients that will leave our shores.
Another point. The ladies are welcome to submit their photos and profiles. If they are permitted to be on the site, they are responsible for the photos. My experience has been that usually the ladies look better than their photos. Of course, they may use a professional photographer. Photoshop is available, but rarely used (you can tell).
I hope this is helpful. If you have concerns, please contact the Phoenix office and they will be more than willing to help.
On October 1, 2000 I was pleased to be certified as an IBM Senior Consultant. I was assigned to the financial sector on Wall Street. The World Trade Center Marriot was very convenient to my clients. It was located between the North and South towers. I would stay on the 20th floor and enjoyed visits to the observation deck and the night Club at the towers.
My routine was to spend my mornings in my room preparing for the day’s appointments which usually began at about 11 AM. On Sunday September 9, I had lunch with my cousin then checked out as I had obligations elsewhere for the coming week.
At 8:45 on Tuesday, September 11, the first plane hit the South tower. By 9:00 most of the debris had destroyed the center section of the Marriot, including the 20th floor. Had I stayed I would have been in my room at that time. Perhaps I would have escaped. I’ll never know. Many others did not and perished, sadly.
I don’t mean to be morose, but tomorrow is promised to none of us. The point is that one never knows. I am grateful for each day that I am given. You should be also.
If you have considered traveling abroad to seek your one and only, do not hesitate. Don’t write endless letters. Make a decision and go. The time is now. I say again, one never knows. None of us are promised tomorrow.
Often there are questions about this. As you probably know, a few years ago Putin reclaimed the Crimea (It was given to Ukraine by Khrushchev in 1954, he was Ukrainian). Not only that but separatists in the Donbas region (less than 5% of the country) were encouraged to mount armed resistance and conflict with Kiev. The affected major cities are Donetsk, Lugansk, and to some extent Mariupol.
Naturally, life is very difficult for the people in this region. Because of the trouble, AFA conducts their tours to other cities that are safe such as Kiev and Odessa. I have traveled to many of these cities with no problem.
If you are attracted to a lady from this area, unfortunately it will be very difficult to arrange to meet her. It would not be wise to travel there. The Phoenix office can offer more detail if you wish.
Given that there are over 14,000 lovely profiles in Ukraine, you can easily find many attractive ladies in the many cities included in the AFA tour schedule.
If you are interested in a lady from Crimea, you can travel there (although no AFA tours are currently offered). Realize that it is in Russia. You will need a visa.
Here are some tips that I have learned personally and from other men on tour.
First, your initial encounter is not a date, but a meeting. Probably the two of you have never met and your mutual purpose is to learn a bit about the other person and determine if there is a connection and a reason to see each other again.
Unless there is a good reason, NEVER CANCEL A MEETING OR DATE. This reflects poorly on you and AFA’s reputation and future clients. The ladies go to a lot of trouble to present themselves attractively and make arrangements to meet.
Set aside perhaps an hour for the first meeting. If the lady understands this, everyone is comfortable. You will know quickly if there is a connection. You owe her some of your time, but not a three hour dinner date. Rather it should be a casual coffee or wine encounter. If the two of you are charmed by each other, you can easily extend it to several hours more.
One of four things will happen at the end of this encounter.
1. Neither of you will be interested in each other — no problem.
2. She will be interested in you (you’ll know) and you will not be interested. This will require some diplomacy. If you feel that it isn’t going to work, after an hour, simply glance at your watch, rise and shake her hand and say, “It was very nice to meet you. Thanks for taking the time to meet me. Her dignity is still intact and you are free to go.
3. You will be interested in her but she will not be interested in you (you’ll know). Suck it up, buddy. Be gracious and friendly. She may have a friend.
4. Both of you are interested. Cool. Ask for the date. At least ask if you can call her soon. Then be sure to do it.
Let’s explore this a bit deeper. Be honest. If she is not going to make it in the looks department, you will know right away. If there are serious mismatches in other areas, they will be revealed early in your conversation. She may be interested while you are not. What you want to do is be gracious and give her the courtesy of a pleasant cup of coffee. Can you remember being turned down for a job on a first interview? If the recruiter was a decent person, you at least got the respect of a few questions and some conversation. Enjoy her company and practice networking. You never know. Even if it isn’t going to work, she may find you so charming that she’ll tell her friends. When it’s time to go, pay the check, ask if you can walk her to her taxi and pay for it. Tell her it was nice to meet her and wish her luck. Don’t feel guilty. You met your obligation and behaved like a gentleman. You have nothing to apologize for. The next time it could be your turn.
At the end of the encounter, turn your attention to your AFA translator. Although you understand that you owe $20 per hour for the services, I always ask, “What do I owe you?”
Then do something few guys think of. Offer a small tip. Not only will the word get around, but she will be happy to offer her impressions of the meeting, the lady and your behavior. Since she has more native knowledge than you, this will be very valuable.
Carefully select where the meeting should occur. The staff will help you. There is no need to go to a fancy Sushi restaurant that will be expensive. You are the host and she is your guest. Obviously, never go on a shopping trip!
I hope that this is helpful and as always, I wish you the best.
The over 200 postings I have placed on this blog have one purpose – to provide you with as much information as possible in order to insure your success.
I try to post several times a week as issues come up or I think of something that might help. Bud Patterson (foreignbride101.com) and I do not do this for compensation, but to try to help you.
I began this blog in May, 2012. Since you already know how to reach the blog, I encourage you to scan to the bottom of any page and view the Archives. There you will find the monthly postings to read at your leisure. Naturally, not every posting will be of interest to you, but many will be.
Our friend and International Dating expert, Bud Patterson has just posted a great piece on his blog, foreignbride101.com. I am quoting it here so as many see it as possible. Thoughts to consider on your journey. As always, I wish you the best.
3 Critical Steps For Sustaining Your International Courtship
I’m in the business of international relationships. It’s not the same as international relations, mind you. I don’t manage the communications and expectations countries have of each other. Be very thankful for that. Honestly, I would suck at that. No, my forte is a two-step process where I first convince guys to travel to other countries in search of a life-mate and then do my best to support them as they cultivate love, get a fiancée visa for their girl, bring her to the States and get married – and then hopefully live happily ever after.
If you scour the internet for information on international relationships, you’ll find lots of good stuff on foreign women, how to meet single Ukrainian girls, why so many single Chinese women are searching for foreign husbands, and the like. There’s virtually nothing on what happens after an American man and a single Ukrainian girl meet and fall in love. All the resources are there to get you on the plane and out in front of women – which is good – but once you fall in love, that’s when you’ll need the most support as you forge ahead together toward relocation and marriage. How do you keep the love you’ve started? How do you build from there and not lose your momentum across the distance? How do two people hold on to what they have while in the fiancée visa process? Here are three tips to help your international relationship endure.
1. This really is the most important tip: BE READY TO SUCCEED. A lot of men and women join international relationship websites not knowing what to expect. That’s natural. They look at this exercise as akin to playing the lottery; if you don’t play you can’t win. Most people who play the lottery don’t actually think through the details of how to spend every dime if they do end up with the winning digits. Most men and women in the international relationship search don’t actually think through what will happen when they do meet someone and fall in love. Guys – YOU NEED TO DO THIS. Are you prepared for someone in your life? Are your finances in order? Is your life stable? Do you own a house or have a decent savings account and some investments aside for emergencies? Is your vehicle reliable? Do you have insurance that will cover a dependent woman and her (possible) child? Can you afford to travel back and forth once or twice after meeting and falling in love? If you’re going to sustain what you start, you’re going to need to be green-light-go on the above. Are you ready?
2. ESTABLISH CONSTANT COMMUNICATION. I’ve joked about how my good friend, Bob Wray, calls the plane ride back to the States after meeting and falling in love the “Trail of Tears.” The last thing you want, after investing so much money and emotion in finding someone – and accomplishing just that – is to lose contact with her when you get back stateside. There is no reason for that to happen if you embrace the technology and resources available to you. I am always amazed when clients tell me “I’m not much of a computer guy.” I always think, “Wow – how did you manage to find an internet-based international dating site, then?” There are wireless chat and call apps you can download on your smart phone like WhatsApp, Skype and Viber, and of course social media sites like FaceBook, VK and the like. There are translation apps like GoogleTranslate and WorldLens to help you interpret messages. Get a good smart phone and use it! If you do, there’s no reason your communication can be constant every day. Imagine every morning you both wake to messages, voice-memos, pictures or emails from one another. That’s how you keep love alive.
3. START THE FIANCÉE VISA PROCESS AS SOON AS REASONABLY POSSIBLE. Getting a fiancée visa for your girl is going to take an average of 4 – 6 months depending on where you live here in the States, and what country she is from. If we could get on a plane and go abroad, meet a lot of single international ladies, fall in love and bring our girl back to the States with us, most girl wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing. To find your foreign bride, falling in love is definitely going to be part of the deal. Remember – THERE REALLY ARE NO MAIL-ORDER-BRIDES! But thousands of very nice men and women find one another and fall in love via international relationship dating sites all the time. You will need time to build your love and prepare for a future together.
The K-1 Fiancée Visa processing time allows couples to build on their beginning, but too much time apart may create too much of a gap for women to keep faith. So, have a plan,use your resources and get your fiancée visa documents out to the State Department in good order.
Loveme.com has a wealth of information to help you with your search for an international bride. There are many video blogs and testimonials. However, I’d like to focus on two features.
If you look at the links at the top of the homepage, you will notice “Foreign Women’s Profiles” and “Search Engine”.
Under “Foreign Women’s Profiles”, every Wednesday evening AFA posts new, recent profiles of women who have provided their information in the hope of establishing a relationship, perhaps with you!
In the week from August 24 through August 30, 234 new profiles were presented. These new profiles come from any of the countries where AFA offers tours.
What is compelling about these profiles is that, given they are new, they have not received letters or attended a social in all likelihood.
At the bottom of the list, you can view new profiles from the previous 4 or 5 weeks.
Other services available here include women who have email contact and videos.
Make viewing the new profiles from the country of your choice each week a habit.
Let’s consider the powerful “Search Engine”. It can be used if you have not decided ladies from which part of the world appeal to you – Asia, Latin America or Eastern Europe.
The engine will allow you to focus using age, weight, height, children and other useful criteria.
Once you have established your personal criteria, you can use the search engine to narrow your selection. It is very easy to use. At the bottom you will find not only countries, but cities once you have chosen a tour that interests you.
Use these tools to discover ladies of interest, but remember – nothing will happen until you get on a plane and meet them in person.