Letters –   How to use this tool



Letters –   How to use this tool

Hi Guys,

Often questions come up about letters. Let’s discuss their value and some cautions.

The first thing I would like you to do is to put yourself in the position of the more than 44,000 beautiful ladies who have placed their profiles and their trust with AFA.

Here are some facts. Although we are free to browse and enjoy the profiles from the comfort of our home, the ladies do not have this advantage. The only way they can view your pictures and what you have shared in your description is to visit an office and ask to use an AFA equipped computer.

Also the competition among the ladies is a real challenge. Understand that the reputation of AFA is very strong, but tours are offered several times or perhaps only once in their city each year. Therefore letters   are an important point of contact for them. Indeed, once an exchange of letters commences, they will look forward to receiving them frequently, perhaps several times per week. I have heard often of ladies being disappointed or even angry when this doesn’t occur.

You have to realize that for the most part life is very difficult in the nine countries AFA offers romance tours to. Perhaps she works 10 or 12 hours each day, six days per week. She may have to care for a child as well. So a letter from you is a real bright spot in her day. For this reason, she may be very forthcoming and even aggressive in her letters. While this is pleasant and complimentary for you, there is a problem.

Now that you understand what it is probably like for the ladies, let’s try an analogy. Suppose you live in Chicago and you will be transferred to Los Angeles. You have decided to purchase a home there, but time and cost prevent you from traveling there to search for the right property. Certainly you could use the many real estate sites or even contact an agency. Although you will see attractive photos or videos and detailed descriptions, should you make an important life decision without actually seeing the home? Of course not. Now back to the point at hand. It is impossible to fall in love and marry a person you have never met! I’m sure that you agree. Look, we put our best foot forward when we write to attractive lady, so does she. This is not dishonest, it’s just human nature. Clearly you will not know if there is even a possibility of a connection without actually meeting her and spending some time getting to know her.

The reality is that a high percentage of those who use the services of AFA will never get on a plane to meet anyone. This is sad. You don’t want to be part of that demographic. I met a guy at an airport once he was not an AFA client. He had spent over $20,000 on letters and chat (AFA does not offer chat for this reason) and was just now traveling to meet some ladies! What a pity. You will discover that other sites will be happy to let you write letters and spend money as long as you wish. But what is the result?

So what should you do? If you enjoy corresponding, please continue. No judgement here. Your ultimate happiness is the only concern. I have experienced many guys who happily met their one and only while on tour – no letters involved.

So, again, how should you proceed? First, explore the profiles of the many countries AFA offers and decide what appeals to you. All the ladies on AFA are beautiful in their own way. One man’s steak is another man’s lobster. Once you have decided on a country, explore the many tours offered and select one that meets your needs.  

About 3 weeks before you depart, select several (maybe 4 or 5) ladies that really appeal to you and meet your criteria (age, children, etc.). Write to each of these ladies and mention in the subject line that you will be visiting her city and when. Keep the letter brief. Tell her why you are writing to her and a bit about yourself. Believe me, these ladies will be delighted. You will probably receive a reply from most of them. It is not necessary to write more than two or three times. This keeps the cost at a minimum. Also, remember that it is a bit of a revolving door. What I mean is that each week dozens of new profiles are announced on loveme.com. Of course ladies get engaged or remove their profile for a variety of reasons.

When you arrive the AFA personnel will assist you to meet the ladies you have written to. This idea, plus the hundreds of ladies you will have the opportunity to meet at the social will put you way ahead of the game. You see, as John Adams, the CEO says, it’s a numbers game. The more ladies you meet, the better your chances are. Oh, by the way NEVER travel to meet only one lady.

Thanks for your attention, but remember, the critical factor is the decision to get on a plane and GO! Nothing will happen unless you do. As always I wish you the best.

Bob Wray

Your Mindset while on an AFA romance tour

Your Mindset while on an AFA romance tour

Hi Guys,

I have something important for you to consider, especially if you intend to travel with AFA for the first time (and you should). It has to do with the domestic dating circumstance that you have become conditioned to. In America there are slightly more men than women. The ladies therefore can be very selective. Unfortunately often the criteria have much to do with physical appearance or finances. I am not telling you anything new. We have all spent a lifetime under these conditions.

There is no way to prepare yourself for what you will experience on an AFA tour, no matter where choose to go. Think about it. How could you attend a nice social with a few dozen “wingmen” Where you will have a “carte blanche” opportunity to meet several hundred attractive women who are there to meet you in America? Exactly. There is no way to replicate what awaits you on an AFA tour.

I have seen the amazing reaction many times. An AFA social turns everything you have come to know on its head! Rather than an attractive girl here being the commodity eagerly sought after by every guy, now YOU are the commodity! Why?  Because of the ratio of course, but much more important is the motivation and intention of the dozens of beautiful girls you will have the opportunity to meet.

You see, what they seek is very rare in their home country. What you offer is a decent guy who will treat them right, be faithful and supportive for a lifetime of happiness. Our reputation precedes us fortunately. Foreign women know how special AFA clients are. So while attractiveness plays a role, it is not the most important thing. These “marriage minded” women are much more interested in your values.

Kevin Costner did three great baseball movies. The last one was “For the love of the game”. He plays a talented pitcher for Detroit who is at the end of his career. There is a final scene where he is facing a New York batter. To prepare he uses his concentration to block out the crowd and everyone except the job at hand – to pitch a perfect game. I’ll never forget what he says, “Clear the mechanism”. So here is my point. When you first go over you need to clear the mechanism. Leave all your domestic dating experiences behind. They no longer apply. Prepare for a very pleasant new paradigm.

However, here is the obvious trick. You have to make a decision and GO! Please don’t write endless letters. Save the money for an opportunity that will change your life. Many have. As always, I wish you the best.

Bob Wray

Success at an AFA social in the Ukraine

Success at an AFA social in the Ukraine

Hi Guys,

Often there are questions from men who intend to travel to the Ukraine on a romance tour. What is it like? How should I dress? What can I expect from the many lovely ladies? How should I behave and approach them?

First of all, Ukrainian socials are different from those in the other countries offered by AFA. Think of it as a wedding reception or cocktail party. Everyone is free to mingle and enjoy the evening. You have every opportunity to be successful on your terms. AFA will take care of the details such as food, champagne and entertainment, leaving you to meet and greet as many ladies as possible, but you are responsible for your own happiness.

So let’s get down to it. What should you do and what should you expect? The ratio is sure to be very much in your favor. It is typical to experience 8 or more per guy. When I think about it, it would be impossible to encounter such a benefit domestically.

Usually the ladies will seat themselves at a table with their friends. So there will be many tables with several ladies at each. Your advantage is that you can survey the situation. Then ask one of the many translators to help you go to each one and enjoy the company. One tip. If there is a lady or two at the table that has captured your interest, be gracious and spread your attention around to everyone. What you want to do is create a “party”. Your translator will help you.

Clearly, it’s not in your best interest to spend a lot of time at any one table. Instead you should encounter as many ladies as possible. Remember because the IMBRA regulation is satisfied by AFA, you are free to exchange contact information with anyone who interests you.

About halfway through the evening, the lights and music will come up and many will get up and dance. The choice to join in is yours. Because the ratio is so much in your favor, the women will have no choice but to dance together. Often AFA will provide some entertainment. Your goal should be to have the contact information of as many as possible. One idea. Often couples will go out to a restaurant or a Karaoke bar to continue the fun when the social ends.

Please remember that the attendees go to a lot of trouble to look their best. You should do the same. As the old saying goes, “dress for success”. And most important remember, you want have fun and you want the ladies to have fun. Save the more serious questions for a second or third date.

I wish you well.

Bob Wray

Five Points to Ensure Success

Five Points to Ensure Success

First – As the ancient Greeks said – “know thyself”. It has been said that these are the most important two words ever spoken. It is not easy. It is doubtful that we are honest about this. It requires impartial thought. If you are successful then you can assemble a reasonable criteria for your future life partner. Stick to it as you encounter the many beautiful women on A Foreign Affair.

Second – Then do all you can to educate yourself about the process. Other than this blog, your best source is loveme.com. It would take you weeks to completely study and understand all that is offered on the site. Learn to use the many features and be certain to complete the free registration. Also, be certain to dial in to the regular Monday night calls. The easy instructions to do so can be found on the home page of loveme.com. You can just listen and learn or ask any questions you may have. Continue educating yourself – I still do.

Third – Examine the many cultures offered through A Foreign Affair – Asia, Latin America and Europe. Look at some of the more than 40,000 profiles and decide what appeals to you. Once you decide, do all you can to understand about the culture. It will serve you well when you finally decide to join the very small percentage of men who actually travel to their selected destination. As you review the beautiful women you can encounter in your preferred country try to match these to the many romance tours offered. Of course other options such as the Executive Program and individual tours are available as well.

Fourth – Once you have selected a country, try to identify the cities included on the romance tour and identify several women that meet your criteria and appeal to you. Rather than write endless letters and engage in a month’s long “pen- pal” situation, save your money towards a future trip.

Fifth – When you have booked your tour or individual travel, then select a few ladies in each city and write letters to each. It is very important that you state in the subject line that you will soon be in their city. This really sets you apart from the many letters she may receive. You can include as much detail about your plans in the body of the note as you wish. Let her know that you will have the local office contact her once you arrive. NEVER TRAVEL TO ONLY MEET ONE LADY! Perhaps you will meet her and there is not the chemistry you seek either way. What will you do then? Of course if you are on a romance tour with the socials you may encounter a woman where all the pieces are in place. I have seen this several times, but it is rare. You can also look through the catalogs and ask for the help of the office. However, there is no assurance that the lady is available or is interested in meeting you.

The two most important factors in success are age and children.

Match your age to the many ladies you will have the opportunity to meet. There will be very attractive women under the age of 25 that will be happy to have a nice meal or even go shopping. However, a woman this young has very little life experience. It is my experience that a woman who is 21 and a domestic woman of the same age are not that different. As the song says “Girls just want to have fun”. You are very serious in your search for a life partner. Have fun if you wish, but please understand if she is not in your generation and you are older than her parents, the odds are not in your favor. A difference of 15 years can work. There are exceptions of course, but they are exceptional. However, the ladies in the Philippines are not as concerned about an age difference.


This is a huge issue. You must have an opinion about it. You don’t need to express that opinion on the first date, but it’s just good to have one for a number of reasons. The older you are, the more critical the issue becomes. Many women are already mothers. It is very rare to find a mature woman who has no children. How do you feel about this? If you are absolutely certain that it is unacceptable, fine. Just have an opinion. You cannot expect to seriously date a woman with children without your lives becoming intertwined. It is something you must accept. They are a package deal. Of course, they may have an involved father. That’s a whole other program. Some guys love the idea of a built-in family. There is a lot of complexity here. We are just asking you to give it serious thought. There is no sense starting down the road with a woman with children if you are not going to be able to deal with them.

If you have children, you have a challenge as well. Your dates are going to have to have this information fairly soon. It could go either way for you. We do not recommend that you introduce a woman to your kids until well into a relationship. It is not fair to the kids or to her. Children bond easily. You are probably divorced, so they are already going through a lot. They don’t need to get attached to your lady, only to have you move on in a few weeks. Keep your dating and your fathering separate. Also, make sure that your fathering comes first. We know this is tough, but that’s what good Dads (and real men) do.

As childless women approach their late thirties many of them begin to panic. You have heard of the ticking “biological clock,” no doubt. While medical science is doing incredible things with reproduction, there are serious problems for a woman at this stage of life. The longer she waits, the less likely it is that she will conceive. There are procedures to help, but they are expensive and marginally successful. Additionally, later pregnancies carry more risk for the baby and the mother. What does all this mean? It has an impact on dating. Time is now an issue for these women. They must find the right guy who will be a good husband and father and want to have children right away. That’s a lot of pressure. You need to be aware and sensitive to this when you are involved with her. The dating cycle is compressed. She will not be willing to give you several years to make up your mind. Also, you need to be fair and not trifle with her affections if you are not prepared to move at a faster pace. As always, honesty and communication go a long way. You will have to have frank discussions fairly early on. Another consideration is that some women in this position might behave more desperately than they would have ten years ago. You must take this into consideration.

If you are certain that you do not want children – that is your right. You will severely limit the pool of women who will be willing to seriously date you. It is something you will have to accept. If you really mean what you say, get a vasectomy. It is a very simple procedure – it just sounds bad. There is a reversal procedure that has a percentage of success, but it is expensive. You should postpone such a serious decision until your thirties. Of course, you will have to communicate this to any woman you get serious about. There are women who are very serious about their careers or who don’t want to be moms for other reasons. There are just not that many of them. She may have elected to have a tubal ligation, which will prevent her from conceiving.

If you are younger and are not a father now, your options are wide open. You have time. You can date whom you please. Know this – most women want to be mothers. It’s a natural fact. You don’t have to face this right away, but once things get serious it will come up. Here is where you should have an opinion. Do you want them at all? Do you want them sooner or later? How many? It is best to have a general idea of what you eventually want. It shows responsibility on your part. That is always attractive to women.

If there is a man in her past that had a significant relationship with her, you may have to contend with some fallout. He could be an ex-husband, a former fiancée or even a long-term boyfriend. If there are no children involved, she should have resolved all their issues before getting involved with someone else. This is a good measure of her emotional health and maturity. If the ties are still in place – watch out. You want a clear field. You deserve it. Sometimes she will still be in contact with his parents and family. Courtesy and civility are one thing. Spending Christmas with this guy and his family is another. Children are an entirely different matter. Understand something very clearly. Kids always come first. If she is a mom, then she is a mom first and your girlfriend second. It has to be that way. Those kids may have an involved dad and he has to be big part of their lives. That may make him a big part of your life if you get serious with her. This is a package deal. It is not an easy road. That doesn’t make it impossible. It will take a lot of maturity, commitment and patience on your part to make things work. Maybe she is worth it. Also, you need to accept his family as part of the kids’ lives. They may be in-laws from Hell. You will have to be accommodating and pleasant in order for the kids to maintain their involvement with his folks.

If you are a dad, then you can reverse engineer the last paragraph. She has to be willing to embrace the whole program. Kids require constant care and attention until they are adults. They will always be a part of your lives as adults. Think very carefully about all of this. That cute little five-year old will be arguing with his mom for the car in eleven short years. By the way, how will things work if the two of you have one or two kids of your own? Will all things be equal for all the kids – yours, mine and ours? The Brady Bunch was just a TV show. Be very careful.

Bob Wray