I have posted this before, however I believe that it can help many who are struggling to understand how to proceed in finding an international life mate. I hope you find value in it. But remember as I have said many times. Nothing will happen until you make a decision to travel to the country of your choice to meet personally with some of the 45,000 lovely ladies offered by AFA. I wish you the best.
A Five Point Strategy for Success
First – As the ancient Greeks said – “know thyself”. It has been said that these are the most important two words ever spoken. It is not easy. It is doubtful that we are honest about this. It requires impartial thought. If you are successful then you can assemble a reasonable criteria for your future life partner. Stick to it as you encounter the many beautiful women on A Foreign Affair.
Second – Then do all you can to educate yourself about the process. Other than this blog, your best source is loveme.com. It would take you weeks to completely study and understand all that is offered on the site. Learn to use the many features and be certain to complete the free registration. Also, be certain to dial in to the regular Monday night calls. The easy instructions to do so can be found on the home page of loveme.com. You can just listen and learn or ask any questions you may have. Continue educating yourself – I still do.
Third – Examine the many cultures offered through A Foreign Affair – Asia, Latin America and Europe. Look at some of the more than 40,000 profiles and decide what appeals to you. Once you decide, do all you can to understand about the culture. It will serve you well when you finally decide to join the very small percentage of men who actually travel to their selected destination. As you review the beautiful women you can encounter in your preferred country try to match these to the many romance tours offered. Of course other options such as the Executive Program and individual tours are available as well.
Fourth – Once you have selected a country, try to identify the cities included on the romance tour and identify several women that meet your criteria and appeal to you. Rather than write endless letters and engage in a month’s long “pen- pal” situation, save your money towards a future trip.
Fifth – When you have booked your tour or individual travel, then select a few ladies in each city and write letters to each. It is very important that you state in the subject line that you will soon be in their city. This really sets you apart from the many letters she may receive. You can include as much detail about your plans in the body of the note as you wish. Let her know that you will have the local office contact her once you arrive. NEVER TRAVEL TO ONLY MEET ONE LADY! Perhaps you will meet her and there is not the chemistry you seek either way. What will you do then? Of course if you are on a romance tour with the socials you may encounter a woman where all the pieces are in place. I have seen this several times, but it is rare. You can also look through the catalogs and ask for the help of the office. However, there is no assurance that the lady is available or is interested in meeting you. Resist the urge to write endless letters. Instead vow to travel to the country of your choice.
The two most important factors in success are age and children.
Match your age to the many ladies you will have the opportunity to meet. There will be very attractive women under the age of 25 that will be happy to have a nice meal or even go shopping. However, a woman this young has very little life experience. It is my experience that a woman who is 21 and a domestic woman of the same age are not that different. As the song says “Girls just want to have fun”. You are very serious in your search for a life partner. Have fun if you wish, but please understand if she is not in your generation and you are older than her parents, the odds are not in your favor. A difference of 15 years can work. There are exceptions of course, but they are exceptional.
This is a huge issue. You must have an opinion about it. You don’t need to express that opinion on the first date, but it’s just good to have one for a number of reasons. The older you are, the more critical the issue becomes. Many women are already mothers. It is very rare to find a mature woman who has no children. How do you feel about this? If you are absolutely certain that it is unacceptable, fine. Just have an opinion. You cannot expect to seriously date a woman with children without your lives becoming intertwined. It is something you must accept. They are a package deal. Of course, they may have an involved father. That’s a whole other program. Some guys love the idea of a built-in family. There is a lot of complexity here. We are just asking you to give it serious thought. There is no sense starting down the road with a woman with children if you are not going to be able to deal with them.
If you have children, you have a challenge as well. Your dates are going to have to have this information fairly soon. It could go either way for you. We do not recommend that you introduce a woman to your kids until well into a relationship. It is not fair to the kids or to her. Children bond easily. You are probably divorced, so they are already going through a lot. They don’t need to get attached to your lady, only to have you move on in a few weeks. Keep your dating and your fathering separate. Also, make sure that your fathering comes first. We know this is tough, but that’s what good Dads (and real men) do.
As childless women approach their late thirties many of them begin to panic. You have heard of the ticking “biological clock,” no doubt. While medical science is doing incredible things with reproduction, there are serious problems for a woman at this stage of life. The longer she waits, the less likely it is that she will conceive. There are procedures to help, but they are expensive and marginally successful. Additionally, later pregnancies carry more risk for the baby and the mother. What does all this mean? It has an impact on dating. Time is now an issue for these women. They must find the right guy who will be a good husband and father and want to have children right away. That’s a lot of pressure. You need to be aware and sensitive to this when you are involved with her. The dating cycle is compressed. She will not be willing to give you several years to make up your mind. Also, you need to be fair and not trifle with her affections if you are not prepared to move at a faster pace. As always, honesty and communication go a long way. You will have to have frank discussions fairly early on. Another consideration is that some women in this position might behave more desperately than they would have ten years ago. You must take this into consideration.
If you are certain that you do not want children — that is your right. You will severely limit the pool of women who will be willing to seriously date you. It is something you will have to accept. If you really mean what you say, get a vasectomy. It is a very simple procedure — it just sounds bad. There is a reversal procedure that has a percentage of success, but it is expensive. You should postpone such a serious decision until your thirties. Of course, you will have to communicate this to any woman you get serious about. There are women who are very serious about their careers or who don’t want to be moms for other reasons. There are just not that many of them. She may have elected to have a tubal ligation, which will prevent her from conceiving.
If you are younger and are not a father now, your options are wide open. You have time. You can date whom you please. Know this — most women want to be mothers. It’s a natural fact. You don’t have to face this right away, but once things get serious it will come up. Here is where you should have an opinion. Do you want them at all? Do you want them sooner or later? How many? It is best to have a general idea of what you eventually want. It shows responsibility on your part. That is always attractive to women.
If there is a man in her past that had a significant relationship with her, you may have to contend with some fallout. He could be an ex-husband, a former fiancée or even a long-term boyfriend. If there are no children involved, she should have resolved all their issues before getting involved with someone else. This is a good measure of her emotional health and maturity. If the ties are still in place — watch out. You want a clear field. You deserve it. Sometimes she will still be in contact with his parents and family. Courtesy and civility are one thing. Spending Christmas with this guy and his family is another. Children are an entirely different matter. Understand something very clearly. Kids always come first. If she is a mom, then she is a mom first and your girlfriend second. It has to be that way. Those kids may have an involved dad and he has to be big part of their lives. That may make him a big part of your life if you get serious with her. This is a package deal. It is not an easy road. That doesn’t make it impossible. It will take a lot of maturity, commitment and patience on your part to make things work. Maybe she is worth it. Also, you need to accept his family as part of the kids’ lives. They may be in-laws from Hell. You will have to be accommodating and pleasant in order for the kids to maintain their involvement with his folks.
If you are a dad, then you can reverse engineer the last paragraph. She has to be willing to embrace the whole program. Kids require constant care and attention until they are adults. They will always be a part of your lives as adults. Think very carefully about all of this. That cute little five-year old will be arguing with his mom for the car in eleven short years. By the way, how will things work if the two of you have one or two kids of your own? Will all things be equal for all the kids — yours, mine and ours? The Brady Bunch was just a TV show. Be very careful.