10 Ways To Make Your 90-Day Fiancée Completely Miserable and Regret the Day She Ever Met You

Hi Guys,

Here are some really great ideas to think about..

10 Ways To Make Your 90-Day Fiancée Completely Miserable and Regret the Day She Ever Met You

In the past four years, while working with www.loveme.com , one of the world’s most successful and highly visible international marriage agencies, I became acquainted with hundreds of couples in the 90-Day Fianceé process.  To the best of my knowledge, most are still together and happy.  There were a few couples, however, who did not survive that first 90 days, usually due to some negligence on the part of the guys, who meant well but clearly were not prepared for the realities of cross-cultural marriage.

What follows, is a summary of their mistakes, and admittedly, a few of my own. Guys – if you aspire to have a happy 90-Day Fianceé of your own, read and heed this list!   Here are 10 Ways to Make Your 90-Day Fiancé Completely Miserable and probably regret the day she ever met you.




Why buy round-trip airfare if you’re going to go on and get married and live permanently in America?  Of course you don’t expect her to return to her country at the end of her 90-Day Fianceé Visa, but to stay on with you happy and in love. It is critical – absolutely crucial – however, to take pressure off of her by letting her (and her family) know that she is in charge of what happens to her and her child the whole time she’s here. She needs to feel relaxed and able to count on you to let her go if things don’t work out. Obviously, having her go home in the end is not the desired outcome you’re looking for, but if you want her to be comfortable during that first 90-days, you have to provide her with an exit clause, if she ever needs one.  Tell her you love her, of course, but – bottom line – if she cannot stay, you will help her return to her family. Tell her you will be crushed, that you can’t imagine having come this far only to lose her in the end but that you ultimately want what is best for her and her child. Then tell her to just relax, don’t think about marriage right away; don’t make plans for anything permanent until she is ready. Ask her to try and find things she likes here and to just enjoy her time. Take the pressure of this enormous life change completely off her shoulders. Your reward will be a happy girl who feels empowered and in charge of her circumstances.  I know the vast majority of men in the 90-Day Fiancé process understand this completely.


  1. FAIL TO ALLOW HER TO PERSONALIZE HER LIVING SPACE.  Guys – we’re cavemen.  We don’t decorate our caves.  We don’t need to.  Your 90-Day Fiancé, however, will want to personalize her living space in order to feel she is living peacefully in your mutual place, not that she’s uncomfortably occupying YOUR living space.  Look around the house.  What can you live without?  Donate your old towels, blankets and dishes to charity.  Take her to Sears, Target, Bed, Bath and Beyond, Linens and Things, Kohls, Pier One or some similar store and tell her to buy those things herself.  Whether you need the items or not, appoint her with the task of updating your furnishings. This gives her a pleasant distraction from all the change related conflict going through her head.


  1. IMPOSE YOUR UNHEALTHY LIFESTYLE ON HER OR HER CHILD.  One of the easiest mistakes for men to make is to expect your 90-Day Fiancé to handle the typical salty / high fructose corn syrup infused American diet. Something as simple as Domino’s Pizza may be a little much for your girl at first, though she’ll probably try it eventually. Foreign women will be used to their native diets and, chances are, if we let them buy whatever food they want they’ll cook us some tasty and healthy dishes. Find a grocery store with a large produce section. Many cities have international food stores that carry spices and products that we don’t find in the more mainstream markets. If you’re lucky enough to have a Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods nearby – these offer more choices for fish and veggies and – by the way – attract a culturally diverse customer base. It might be interesting for her to hear people talking her language as they shop nearby. Especially if she has a child, let her cook what they are used to eating and don’t force micro- waved dinners and canned ravioli on them. If your girl is from Russia or Ukraine, she’ll introduce you to borscht.  After awhile, you’ll be begging for it.


  1. FAIL TO BEFRIEND HER CHILD.  It’s interesting and unfortunate that none of the women in the TLC series have children. Children obviously create a life-defining opportunity for men to become fathers and mentors, but they also add to the overall challenges. Children need friends, lots of activities, health and dental insurance, and constant nurturing.  One-thing men in the 90-Day Fiancé process will learn – as the child goes, so shall they all go.  A struggling child will stress the bride-to-be out to the max.


Understand her child’s needs as they relate to school and social behavior. Help the child find playmates. (But be gentle not to overwhelm him /her with too many introductions.) Visit with the child’s new school principal to prepare the staff for his/her specific needs as an ESL (English as a Second Language) student. Ask your local library for age-appropriate books in the child’s native language.  Show your 90-Day Fiancé right away the good father you plan to be, but don’t be too disciplinary right away.  Ease the child into a new routine of expectations. Don’t try to redefine acceptable versus unacceptable behaviors all at once.


  1. FAIL TO HELP HER COMMUNICATE WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS. Buy or make her a Russian keyboard and download fonts and software that allow her to send and receive emails in her own language. Foreign television programs can be viewed over the Internet and are often available from cable or satellite dish services. There are many similar “apps” available for tablets, iPads and phones.  Order Latin American, Russian or Ukrainian television that comes to your home via a high-speed Internet connection for a small monthly cost.  Have it installed before she arrives so she can watch the same stuff here she used to watch at home!  Buy phone cards or calling plans that give you great rates for her country, enabling her to call home frequently. Skype, FaceTime and other video conferencing apps will be useful.  Look for forums on the Internet for brides from her country. They exist! These can provide tremendous support from women who have already made the transition.


  1. FAIL TO ANTICIPATE – AND PREPARE FOR – UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES. Plan to have health and dental insurance available for your fiancé and any dependent children. Have a savings account with a little tucked away for anything unexpected, like a child falling off a bike and breaking an arm, or someone getting a toothache. This is critical. Remember that you are solely responsible for the well-being of any foreign citizen you petition.


  1. FAIL TO PREPARE YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS FOR HER ARRIVAL. Educating your friends and family on the challenges international women face in the 90-Day Fiancé period is a priority you must address weeks, if not months, before her arrival. Help those closest to you understand the realities of her relocation. Tell them she may be a little shy at first and that she may not speak conversational English right away. If you have adult children you should settle any personal financial / inheritance / insurance issues before she arrives to ensure good relations. Be very sensitive that she may not feel she fits into your social circle right away. Stand by her side when others are around. Avoid putting her in awkward social situations and help others to get to know her.  Once her true charm and personality come out, they will all understand perfectly why you fell in love with her in the first place.


  1. FAIL TO GIVE HER ACCESS TO MONEY AND EXPECT HER TO SHOP A LITTLE. Let’s face it – money matters are, at times, a hot-button issue for many couples.  For all sorts of misguided reasons, guys might try to control spending by limiting a 90-Day Fianceé’s access to money. This is usually a BAD idea. Intelligent, resourceful, independent women aren’t going to enjoy feeling like a kid asking for an allowance. You can help your thrifty foreign girl out by not refusing her money, rather, by helping her know where to find a good deal. Most foreign women will be all over that.

One area of confusion during fiancé visa time happens when your girl needs to buy clothing for herself or her child, especially if she is from the Former Soviet Union. Clothing in the FSU is typically very expensive.  Walk into any mall and you’ll find plenty of clothing stores that cater to younger, fashion-minded women on a budget. Many foreign women don’t seek to spend unnecessarily but will need access to money in order to buy the things they would normally buy for themselves or their children on a weekly basis. Be sure to allow for this!


  1. FAIL TO GET THOSE DOCUMENTS READY! One of the worst things you can do to your new foreign bride is to use her Adjustment of Status application as a bargaining chip for things you want. Once the two of you are married you will need to submit a separate set of forms to adjust her status with the USCIS. The law allows you some time to submit the paperwork, which will eventually allow her to work, drive, get a social security number, and travel legally back home.  These are the documents that lead to her first Green Card.   Men sometimes make the incredibly BAD mistake of stalling to send those critical documents in and sometimes they make the HUGE, COLOSSALLY DUMB mistake of threatening not to send them at all when a girl has a bad day.  There are a whole host of reasons why you don’t want to manipulate your marriage with threats to not submit her Adjustment of Status documents – not the least of which is – IT’S ILLEGAL.  Courts can also see it as a form of spousal abuse. You’ll probably lose all respect your foreign girl has for you as she sees herself completely at your mercy.  Foreign women NEVER forgive any attempt to manipulate or control them.  Remember, guys – foreign women come here for LOVE! They literally redefined their whole lives for LOVE!  They do NOT come to be treated here by us as their native men could have treated them back home. In fact, there is something particularly offensive about that. It’s something they don’t expect from us so when we treat them as their native men might – they feel tricked and betrayed. Our foreign women, like anyone else, would like to have the same rights and privileges here that they had in their previous country, like working, banking, driving, traveling, etc. It is our responsibility to provide for those things.  Believe me, guys, pour all the respect, love and nurturing support you can at your girl and her child and you will get something powerful, passionate and rare in return!


  1. FAIL TO OFFER A REASONABLE PRENUP.  TLC’s 90-Day Fiancé couples are mostly young.  We’ll have to wait and see if the subject of prenuptial agreements is introduced. Prenups are a sensitive subject for many international couples.  Premarital contracts are often not popular in other countries or not enforced and women from some countries will give little consideration to them prior to the 90-Day Fianceé period.  Guys usually make the mistake of introducing the idea at the last moment, giving ladies a minimal chance to understand the typically unbalanced, one-sided document in front of them.  Men who feel they have assets to protect are entitled to protect them of course, but throwing an War and Peace sized prenup in front of your 90-Day Fianceé at the last minute will only cause confusion and hurt – not what you want weeks before you stand at the alter together.


Attorneys will advise you to offer a prenup that is balanced; taking her needs into consideration should things not work out.  If she has a child, the child’s needs must be considered.   You will need to produce a copy of the prenup in her native language.  It might be a good idea to have her own attorney consult her.  To do otherwise risks having your prenup not stand up in court if you ever have to exercise it.  I suggest you bring the topic up way in advance, do it gently, and offer it as an agreement you both will enter into together.  Tell her you recognize the great change she is going to undergo to be your wife and live with you here in America and tell her you want her to feel confident and in control about her life here at all times.  I have seen sensible, considerate prenups strengthen a relationship.  I’ve also seen ridiculous “you will never grow your hair more than an inch without my written consent” prenups that only led to the end of the relationship.  99% of guys applying for a 90-Day Fianceé Visa are nice guys who only want to secure their future with a beautiful foreign girl they can’t live without.  The occasional knucklehead usually ends up alone and does little more than provide campfire stories for the rest of us.

There you have it, lads!  10 Ways to Make Your 90-Day Fiancé Completely Miserable and probably regret the day she ever met you.  OR – 10 opportunities for you to embrace to make your fiancé’s transition to life in America as smooth and enjoyable as possible.

3 Reasons Why AFA’s July Ukraine Romance Tours Will Be Life-Defining for You!


Here is some good info about the July Ukraine tours.

It’s easy to take things for granted. It’s human nature, sometimes, to lose sight of some of our biggest accomplishments. I have a friend who’s fond of saying “Any day I wake up and body and soul are still in the same place is an accomplishment.” And I think he’s right.

After 20 years of world-wide romance tours all over the world, AFA has introduced literally thousands of couples to one another. Think about that for a minute. Thousands of men and women found one another, fell in love, got married and many started a family together or added to an already existing one. The long-term effect of those introductions will carry on and on in future years. Our work, I’m proud to say, is truly life-defining. There aren’t many jobs out there where one can make such a huge impact on others’ lives every day.

If you’re reading this, however, it’s a safe bet you’ve not yet found your life-mate, or at least you’ve not yet traveled to meet her. So as we consider your options for travel and introductions, I want to show you how one particular line-up of tours this summer could be the life-defining event you’ve been waiting for.

3 Reasons Why AFA’s July Ukraine Romance Tours Will Be Life-Defining for You!

1. You can attend as many as 6 of our world-famous social parties! This summer, we’re taking an awesome group of guys to meet hundreds of lovely Ukrainian ladies in the cities of Kiev, Kharkov, Sumy for our first tour from July 9th to July 18th and then we’ll make our way to the always hot and southerly cities of Odessa, Nikolaev and Kherson from July 16th to July 25th. You can choose one tour or another – or you can attend both by choosing our Dual Romance Tour Option. By choosing both, you’ll attend all 6 socials in all 6 cities! That could expose you to as many as 1000 – 1200 exciting Ukrainian women! Every romance tour combines large social parties with hundreds of ladies in attendance with individual introductions to ladies you’d like to meet who were not able to attend the socials. Whatever options you choose, we’ll keep you as busy as you want to be.

2. These will likely be the largest AFA Romance Tours of the year! One of the reasons men choose a Romance Tour, whose dates are pre-set ahead of time versus the more flexible individual Club Introduction Package, is to experience camaraderie with like-minded men from around the world as a networking opportunity. With the varying degree of media-driven ideas about so called “mail-order-brides” and the stigma many attach to the men who seek them, it’s refreshing to travel abroad with other guys from all walks of life and different countries. As these summer tours will be heavily attended, your chance to make new friends is huge. I’m asked all the time if men ever fight over the same girl. The truth is once in awhile, yes, that will happen but only rarely. There’re just too many exciting women in our program for that to happen often. Actually, many of our clients appreciate the bonds of friendship as they lock arms and look out for another and share advice and experiences for best results. You’ll make new friends on your tour. Those friendships will thrive on past the tour itself. You are, after all, meeting other couples where each girl is from the same city as your future wife.

3. This will be our first trip back to Odessa, Nikolaev and Kherson in 7 months! The Odessa Romance Tour is one of our most popular – and for good reasons! All three cities are within 2 hours of one another, making it easy for guys to get around and meet ladies comfortably. Odessa is a very vibrant city all year round with a variety of hotels, apartments, restaurants, shopping centers, and entertainment venues. It’s also full of tourists from around the world. Nikolaev is a small coastal town with a charming central walking street, lined with cafes and flower shops, where people walk every day to and from work or school or appointments. It reminds me of the small New England city I grew up in. Nikolaev is always one of the largest socials of the year. Kherson is possibly the smallest city we travel to in Ukraine but we always see a good number of engagements coming out of this city. There are some really great venues for dates in this city. See Bud. He knows all the good places to eat, in case that’s not obvious. : )

Seriously, this will be the longest stretch of months in between visits in recent memory and yet during this time we’ve added lots of new profiles in all three cities and enhanced our staff and partner networks to include some very dynamic people who are ready to show you their city and our girls!

So 3 cities / 3 socials or 6 cities / 6 socials – hundreds of beautiful Ukrainian ladies in summer attire, and a great group of fellow troubadours in search of love – These will make your summer Romance Tour unforgettably life-defining!

Philadelphia Seminar – Saturday, May 16

Hi Guys,

If you live anywhere near Philly or can easily get to I-95, I would like to invite you to a seminar. If you can make it, it would be worth your while if you are interested in international dating. Not only will all your questions be answered, but you will benefit from hearing the answers to questions asked by other guys who are likewise interested.

This is not a sales pitch; however significant discounts will be available to anyone who registers for a tour.

I will be leading the seminar. I have been to five seminars myself as well as travel to Ukraine, Columbia, the Dominican Republic, Russia and Latvia. I have been involved with A Foreign Affair for four years. Although I have led tours, my first experience was as a participant like you. So I can relate to your concerns.

There will be an attractive video as well as lunch.

Here are the details.

Saturday,May 16th 
Holiday Inn Express in Bensalem (close to Philly)
1329 Bristol Pike , Bensalem, PA 19020
1-215-2455222 (Front Desk) only call for directions
11am – 3pm

I hope to see many of you there.

If you decide to attend, PLEASE RSVP TO Bud at 602-553-8178 X 204

OR EMAIL Bud at bud@loveme.com


Bob Wray